From Expectations to Agreements: Heightening Trust & Accountability

We can all relate to feeling frustrated by a teammate who “dropped the ball,” a manager who “changed the plan,” or a colleague who “didn’t follow through.” In many of these moments, what’s really breaking down isn’t effort or intent, it’s clarity.

We think we have an agreement, when in fact, we only have an expectation.

Expectations: The Silent Saboteurs

Expectations live in our heads. They sound like: “They should respond to my email within a day.” “My manager should recognize that I’m overwhelmed.” “They should care about this as much as I do.”

Each of these statements rests on an assumption about how others should behave. And while expectations can seem reasonable, they’re often one-sided, not explicitly stated, and shaped by our own standards or past experiences.

When expectations go unmet, they breed frustration, resentment, and a lack of connection. But when no explicit, mutual commitment was ever made, how can we hold someone accountable?

Let me share an example…

On a recent team project, I thought Max was going to share his analytics report + commentary with me by Wednesday. In my mind, that deadline felt obvious—we’d talked through the project, he knew I was managing the client relationship, and Wednesday had always been the informal midpoint for our deliverables.

Because I expected this, I confidently told the client they could expect our final proposal by EOD Friday. I even planned my work week around this expectation: clearing Thursday for revisions and sketching out the deck, and blocking off Friday morning for the final polish.

But by the end of the day on Wednesday, nothing had come through. No report. No message. No heads-up. Cue the frustration spiral: Did he forget? Doesn’t he know how much is riding on his report? Why haven’t I heard from him?

Of course, what I had missed was this: Max never actually agreed to Wednesday. I had decided it, in my head, and assumed he was on the same page.  I then took it a step further and built my commitments (and the client’s expectations) around something we had never explicitly aligned on.

Agreements: The Foundation of Trust and Accountability

Agreements move us from assumption to alignment. They are shared commitments that are explicitly discussed and mutually understood. Agreements happen when two or more people take the time to clarify what’s being promised, and determine how success will be measured.

The key distinction? Expectations are assumed. Agreements are intentional. 

And unlike expectations, agreements foster healthy communication, connection and ownership. When both parties contribute to defining the terms, accountability feels shared, not imposed.

Expectations leave space for misinterpretation and disappointment. Agreements build clarity, accountability, and trust. They shift the conversation from blame (“You didn’t do what I expected”) to ownership (“What did we agree to, and do we need to revisit it?”).

Using that same example from before, imagine if we’d made an agreement instead… 

Before diving into the work, Max and I could have taken five extra minutes to clarify the timeline:

• When I needed his portion by and why that timing mattered

• Whether that deadline worked for him

• What to do if something changed or an obstacle arose

Maybe the conversation would have sounded like:

“Max, can we agree that you’ll send me the analytics report with your notes by the end of day on Wednesday? That gives me Thursday to integrate insights and still hit the Friday deadline with the client. Does that timeline work on your end?”

And he may have responded and said, “Actually, I’m slammed Wednesday, would Thursday morning work instead?” But knowing that up front would've given us the opportunity to renegotiate and adjust the client’s delivery date before it became a problem.

A simple agreement would have changed everything: No guessing. No resentment. No last-minute scramble. Just clarity, shared ownership, and a smoother path for both of us.

Building Effective Agreements

So how do we make agreements the norm, not the exception? This is where the real work—and the real payoff—begins. Building strong agreements isn’t complicated, but it does require presence, curiosity, and a willingness to slow down. The good news is that once you build this muscle, it will transform not only your workflow, but your relationships.

Here are a few practical strategies to get there:

1. Listen to Understand
   Slow down and truly hear what the other person is saying—not just their words, but the underlying meaning, concerns, and needs.

2. Confirm Mutual Understanding
   Don’t just assume you’re aligned. Check-in throughout the conversation to make sure everyone is on the same page.

3. Be Specific
   Replace vague terms like “soon” or “regularly” with concrete timelines and deliverables. For instance, instead of “I need this soon,” try “Can we agree to have this done by Friday?”

4. Collaborate
   Make it a conversation, not a command. Invite input: “Does that timeline work for you? What might get in the way?”

5. Document or Summarize
   For team agreements, a brief follow-up email or shared note removes ambiguity and creates a point of reference.

6. Revisit and Renegotiate When Needed
   Circumstances change. Strong agreements are living commitments, not rigid contracts. Renegotiating, when needed, builds trust and prevents frustration.

Everyone has expectations. The difference between good and great leaders lies in whether they assume them, or transform them into clear, conscious agreements.

When you shift from expecting to agreeing, you don’t just improve results, you build trust, deepen connection, and foster a culture of accountability.

Mindfully yours,
Ashley